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My First Blog Post

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

Don’t I Deserve Happiness ?

Just because I’m a victim of rape doesn’t mean that I’m not valuable,
Just because I’m a victim of rape doesn’t mean that I’m less of a human,
Just because I’m a victim of rape doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve happiness,
Just because I’m a victim of rape doesn’t mean that you should point fingers at me.


Sometimes I wonder if I was the one who committed the crime,
Because wherever I go, people look at me
Because wherever I look, people point fingers at me
Because whenever I smile, people remind me of what happened.


Sometimes I wonder who is really the victim, me or the rapist,
I walk on the street and I hear people saying it is because she wears short dresses, just because I wear short dresses I should be raped.


I walk in to court and I hear the lawyer saying that I am lying although the lawyer knows that I’m saying the truth, I hear the family of the rapist saying that I just made this story up although they know that I’m speaking the truth. So I ask myself, is there no woman in the house of this rapist? Is there no woman in the family of this lawyer?


I walk in my house and I hear my own family members saying that it’s all my fault because I should had just stayed at home, so I ask, don’t I have the freedom to move? Is my freedom restricted although I haven’t committed a crime?


They call me a liar
Do they know the tears I have spilled
Do they know how many times I had woke up during the night because of nightmares
Do they know what I had lost because of this
Do they know how many times I had showered in just one hour because I felt dirty
Do they know how many times I tried to delete the memory but I can’t
Do they know how much it hurts when I hear “memories stay “
Do they know how many times I kept rubbing my skin like an insane person because I wanted to remove the touch of my rapist from my skin?


I am tired, the pain is too much
I am sad, the suffering is too much
I am suffocating, the sorrow is too much.


But you know what?
I deserve happiness
I know the truth and God knows the truth, so that is enough for me.
I deserve happiness and I am not going to seek it in the eyes of anyone.
If you believe me, fine
If you don’t believe me, then fine too Because it doesn’t increase or decrease my worth.
I know it’s hard but I am trying by taking it one step at a time and by being positive.


I used to be ashamed but not anyone because feeling ashamed is like I’m saying that I did something bad, my rapist should feel ashamed, not me.


Now my favourite quote is that ‘God gives his hardest tests to his strongest servants’.
This means that God knows I’m strong and that’s why he gave me this test, I won’t disappoint him for I will be strong. The fact that God considers me as a strong person makes me feel special.


I am a victim of rape, I didn’t commit a crime
I have heard many negative commits but I don’t regret telling everyone about it.
This test made me stronger
This test made me to have more patient
This test made me closer to God.
So All Praises Belong To  God Almighty

In Love With My Bestfriend

I really have this calamity,
Don’t know how to come around it,
I really have this obsession that,
That I know little about.

I want to tell you but i’m scared, not cause of reject but because i don’t want to lose the one i care about the most.
#love #happiness #dailyquotes #motivation #writer #worthy #special #inspirational #bestfriend


I have these butterflies in my stomach whenever I’m talking to you,
I have these goosebumps on my body
Whenever I’m chatting with you.


I spend the day and night thinking of you
Spend the morning and afternoon wishing was with you.


I don’t know if this is love
I think it’s similar to love
Or maybe above love
But I thought I was over love.
I have these sweet dreams
Of being with you
Then your partner in the near future
Me and you with our beautiful kids
Nothing to miss
Happy always
The perfect family.


I never thought I will move on
But now I think I’m moving on
Now cause of you, like the lastest Ford, im moving on.
I wanna kiss you
I wanna feel you
Want you to hold me, make me feel you’re the one
Touching me anywhere and everywhere.


I want to tell you
But I’m scared
Not cause of rejection
But losing the one I care about the most.
Can’t tell you
cause don’t wanna lose you.
You the best thing in my life
The one that makes me feel alive.
Can’t afford to lose you
Can’t afford to have awkwardness between us .


Haven’t you put the pieces together
Cant you see I want us to be together?


I had this fear in me
That I’m gonna be that broken hearted girl again
But I have eliminated that fear
Cause I’m sure you will never hurt me.


I wanna pray with you
I wanna dance with you
I wanna sleep in your arms
And sing our favourite song together in the morning.


Are you blind ?
Can’t you see all I want is to be yours ?
You see other people
Can’t you see this person, all I want is to be your number one?


I know you can’t be with me
I know this is my little fantasy
I know it’s another dream
But all I can do is dream
You look at me like one of your siblings
I don’t look at you like that.


You look at me like a member of your family
I want us to create our own family.
By the time I’m done with this
I wish you will know what’s going on.
This is my story
Someone in love with her bestfriend.

You Won’t Hurt Me Again

I thought you was an angel
I thought you would never hurt me
I thought you are my saviour
But I was totally wrong.

I don’t know who will hurt me But it won’t be you.
#inspirational #inspiring #selflove #selfcare #blogger #blog #wordpress #hurt #pain


You kept hurting me
You kept on making me cry
You kept on breaking my heart
You kept telling me all kind of disrespectful words.


You think you own me
You think that you are better than me
You think that you are the only guy in my life
You think that I’m not worth you.


You think you can waltz in my life anytime you want.
And everytime you hurt me
Every time you made me cry
Every time you walked away, you always came back just to hurt me.


I use to believe that the heavens would fall before you will hurt me
But I couldn’t had been more wrong.


You always try to make me feel inferior with words indirectly,
You always try to make me believe no guy will ever want me.


Do you know what hurts me now?
I am in pain because I allowed all of this to happen
I am burning inside because I let you treat me like shit
I am trembling out of anger because I always let you come back in my life whenever you want.


With this tears on my face
I am making a promise to myself
That I will only let you in my life when the earth moves to heaven and the heaven moves to earth
Which means I will never let you in my life.


It doesn’t matter how many times you text
It does matter how many times you call
I am done with you.


I wanted to block you
But no I won’t
Instead I will dance to my ringing tune when you call
I will look at your texts and move them to trash.
I swear I don’t know who will hurt me again but it won’t be you.

I Don’t Need You

From the beginning I knew you weren’t the right person for me
From the start I knew nothing good Will come out of this
From the beginning I knew this wouldn’t last
But I was so stubborn.

I wasn’t created to follow anyone. I wasn’t created to beg anyone to stay in my life.
#inspirational #motivational #like #love #special #betrayal


Now I am lying down and saying if only I knew
Now I am lying down and saying if only I can go back
But it is impossible.


You fed my soul with your angelic words
You soothed my eyes with your angelic face
You sent my body to heaven with your angelic touch
But now I know that it was only angelic in my head.


In the beginning you spent all your time on me
You swore you cared
You showed you cared
You acted like you cared
So I started to believe that you cared.


I was always there for you
I know all your negative sides
I know who you can be
Yet I still accepted you.


I gave you the whole of me
And that is why when you betrayed my trust, it was like being pushed in the fire and it burned more than anything in this world.


Do you know that I never thought there will come a day when you will completely ignore me?
Now it’s like you don’t even know me
If I text you, you take your time to reply or you don’t reply at all
If I call you, you tell me that you are busy


So I ask myself are you the same person that I knew?
But now I know the answer
You are still the same person,it is just that in the beginning you wanted something and now you have had that something.


But don’t worry I won’t disturb you with my calls
With my texts
Or my visits.


I wasn’t created to follow anybody
I wasn’t created to beg anyone to stay in my life.
If you want to be in my life, no problem
If you don’t want to be in it then, no problem.


It will take a while for me to completely heal
It will take a while for me to completely remove the scars
It will take a while for me to glue the broken pieces
But I am sure that I will be completely fine.
So goodbye

Lets spread love part 2

You shouldn’t make anyone’s life miserable,
I’m talking to you ladies and gentlemen,
Don’t bully anyone and if you were
Just say sorry and move on.
I have five bitches guys say
I’m playing with five guys, women say.

#love #special #inspirational #motivational #like #peace #follow


Don’t go breaking people’s heart
Let’s spread love
Lets hold each other and be there for each other.
Don’t step on each other, just to create your own tower
Lets create a new world order Which brings us closer together.


Eating till you throw away leftovers when your neighbour is starving, let’s say no to that.
Wearing designer clothes when your neighbour is wearing rags, let’s say no to that.
Wish for me as you wish for yourself
And I will wish for you as I wish for myself.


I have a dream
Earth becomes heaven
We become angels
No need for prisons.


Leave the corruption
Leave the embezzlement
Leave the bribery
And then my dream will come true
Let’s love
Lets care
Be one
That’s all we need.

How Can I Tell My Heart To Love You?

How can I tell my heart to love you?
How can I tell my heart that you are the right person for me?
How can I tell my heart that you will never break it?

#love #happiness #dailyquotes #motivation #inspirational #magic #wordpress


I know you care about me
I know you love me
I know you will never hurt me
But how can i tell my heart to love you?


You might think that I don’t care about you
You might think that you are not precious to me
You might think that I’m just taking you for granted
But how can i tell my heart to love you?


I want to fall in love with you
I want you to be the last person I think about before I sleep
I want you to be the first person I think about when I wake up
But how can i tell my heart to love you?


I just want to let you know that you are the most amazing person I have met
You are kind hearted
You are forgiving
You are loving.


May God bless the day we met
Bless the day first we talked
And bless the day I got to know you.


Just because I don’t love you the way you want me to love you doesn’t mean that I don’t love you
Just because I can’t be in a relationship with you doesn’t mean I think that you are not worth me
Just because I can’t get married to you doesn’t mean that I think that you are not going to be a great dad.
How can I tell my heart to love you?


I know that I can’t do much
But I will pray
I will pray that you find your perfect partner
I will pray that you find someone better than me
I will pray that you have amazing kids
And I will pray for you to always be my friend.
I do love you dear but in a way that most people don’t understand and I hope that one day you will understand.

I AM SPECIAL

I don’t do it on purpose,
I can’t stop it,
I can’t control it,
It controls me instead.
I try to fight it everyday
I try to push it away .
No matter what, it stays.

Follow me on Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/brownangel99


I have tried talking positively to myself
I have tried everything
But no matter what It still comes back.
I cry my eyes out, I get irritated easily, I get angry easily.
Do you know how hard it is to fight my brain when it’s telling me to kill myself?
Do you know how hard it is to talk and smile with my friends when I’m dying inside?
Do you know how hard it is to hide your pain, sorrow and confusion from your family  because you don’t want them to get hurt?
Do you know how hard it is when people whom you thought understand you, tell you that you should stop hurting yourself ?
Do they think I want it? Do they think I don’t want to be happy?


I want to live, I don’t want to die but how do I convince my brain.
Every little thing my brain will tell me that I’m useless, worthless and I should just die.
I’m scared of letting people know cause they might think that I’m crazy
I’m scared that they will gossip about me.


I am the person that sits and say may no woman ever give birth to a child like me because I’m just trouble, I am nothing.
Why does this happen to me? I have the best family and everything I want.
So I sit down and look at the sky and then I ask God why me? I heard you love me so why this pain? Why me God?


But do you know now I have gotten the answer to my question. I now know why me?


It’s because God gives his hardest tests to his best soldiers
It’s because he knows that I can handle it
It’s because he knows that I’m strong
It’s because I’m special.
God knows I will cry
God knows that I will be in pain
Gods knows that my family will be in pain with me but he choose me and he choose my family.
I am chosen by God


So don’t pity me you should be jealous of me because I am the chosen one.
I am no more ashamed, I am proud
Because every second with this illness made me strong, it reduced my fears because if I can live through this then I can live through anything.
The pain, the anger, the tears, the shouting etc all made me the strong person I am today.
I am a fighter and I’m going to fight this for as long as possible.


I am not gonna lie sometimes it wins, sometimes I fall but no matter what I still keep fighting, so keep fighting.


I am not bipolar
I am not anger management
I am not ptsd
I am not anxiety
I am not depression
I am not mental illness.


I am the chosen one
I am special
I am a fighter
I am strong
I will make it
I will win.
So once again don’t pity me but be jealous of me

YOU CAN NEVER BE LONELY

If you feel lonely then look at the sky and you will feel better, just one moon in billions of stars.

You are not lonely.
Follow me on Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/brownangel99

Nowadays most people keep on saying that they are lonely and have nobody to talk to, they feel that no one cares and this always shocks me.

Do you know why?
Because I can’t never feel lonely
Because I can’t feel lonely
How can I feel lonely when I know that wherever I am my Lord is there with me?
How can I say that I have no one to talk to, when my Lord has told me that he is the all hearing?  In fact I feel more happy and more at ease when I am talking with God because I know that he will never judge me, because I know that he loves me.
How can I say that no one cares about me?when he told me that he loves me.

Don’t look at it as loneliness But instead know that God wants you to talk to him
Don’t look at it as loneliness But look at it as you trying to know your self better
Don’t look at it as loneliness But look at it as a moment of self love.


You are not lonely dear
I swear you can never be lonely because he is always with you.
Just try and talk to him, you might think it’s funny but when you feel lonely again then talk to him, I promise you will feel way better.
Never say that you are lonely ever again

LET’S SPREAD LOVE

Why do we create problems for ourselves, instead of one world
We say continents and share them into countries
We worship one God But create many religious and have controversies.

Let’s love each other and spread peace
Follow me on Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/brownangel99


I’m black, you’re white
You’re black, I’m white
Black or white, in this world of darkness let’s be each other’s light.


Take the word inferior and superior out of your dictionaries
Take the feeling of hatred and pride out of your  system
Take the idea of ugly and beautiful out of your minds
And take the saying “every soul has beauty “.


Don’t kill people and say you are fighting for your religion
Don’t destroy other countries and say you’re protecting your country
Don’t hold the guns, don’t hold the sword, heard the pen is mightier than the sword.


Don’t judge anyone cause you don’t know what they have gone through .
Stop the raping
Stop the fighting
Stop the stealing
You are not a devil.
Don’t go calling people a monster
No one is really a monster
We were all innocent children Who once brought happiness to someone.

Never Be Jealous Of Anyone

You see me in different cars,
You see my beauty,
You see my smiles and laugh,
You see my perfect family,
You see my social media followers,
You see my intelligence,
You see the different outfits I wear,
You see my perfect spouse,
And then you feel jealous
And then you envy me
And then you say I wish I was her or I wish I was him
Never say that again .


Do you know what I’m going through?
Do you know the pain that I’m hiding?
Do you know if your life is way better than mine?
You don’t know.


Never be jealous of me or somebody, because you don’t know what they are going through behind closed doors.
It might be that the person you envy the most,It might be that the person whose life you want the most is also praying to live the life you are living.
No matter what your situation is, know that your situation is way better than someone else’s situation, know that someone else out there is praying to God to be you or have what you have.


You are reading this right now, there are people out there who can’t read, there are people out there who are blind, there are people out there who are so sick that they don’t even have time for their phone.
So thank God and know that you are blessed
So thank God and know that someone is praying right now to be in the position that you are in.


Doesn’t it make you happy that this is what God has given you?
Doesn’t it make you happy that God could had given you everything you wanted but this is what he wants you to have now?


Let me tell you, there is blessing in everything thing that God (the wise) has given you.
So say this out loud
I am thankful to God
I am happy that this is what he has decreed for me
I feel special  that someone out there is praying to have the life that God has given me.

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