Just because I’m a victim of rape doesn’t mean that I’m not valuable,
Just because I’m a victim of rape doesn’t mean that I’m less of a human,
Just because I’m a victim of rape doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve happiness,
Just because I’m a victim of rape doesn’t mean that you should point fingers at me.
Sometimes I wonder if I was the one who committed the crime,
Because wherever I go, people look at me
Because wherever I look, people point fingers at me
Because whenever I smile, people remind me of what happened.
Sometimes I wonder who is really the victim, me or the rapist,
I walk on the street and I hear people saying it is because she wears short dresses, just because I wear short dresses I should be raped.
I walk in to court and I hear the lawyer saying that I am lying although the lawyer knows that I’m saying the truth, I hear the family of the rapist saying that I just made this story up although they know that I’m speaking the truth. So I ask myself, is there no woman in the house of this rapist? Is there no woman in the family of this lawyer?
I walk in my house and I hear my own family members saying that it’s all my fault because I should had just stayed at home, so I ask, don’t I have the freedom to move? Is my freedom restricted although I haven’t committed a crime?
They call me a liar
Do they know the tears I have spilled
Do they know how many times I had woke up during the night because of nightmares
Do they know what I had lost because of this
Do they know how many times I had showered in just one hour because I felt dirty
Do they know how many times I tried to delete the memory but I can’t
Do they know how much it hurts when I hear “memories stay “
Do they know how many times I kept rubbing my skin like an insane person because I wanted to remove the touch of my rapist from my skin?
I am tired, the pain is too much
I am sad, the suffering is too much
I am suffocating, the sorrow is too much.
But you know what?
I deserve happiness
I know the truth and God knows the truth, so that is enough for me.
I deserve happiness and I am not going to seek it in the eyes of anyone.
If you believe me, fine
If you don’t believe me, then fine too Because it doesn’t increase or decrease my worth.
I know it’s hard but I am trying by taking it one step at a time and by being positive.
I used to be ashamed but not anyone because feeling ashamed is like I’m saying that I did something bad, my rapist should feel ashamed, not me.
Now my favourite quote is that ‘God gives his hardest tests to his strongest servants’.
This means that God knows I’m strong and that’s why he gave me this test, I won’t disappoint him for I will be strong. The fact that God considers me as a strong person makes me feel special.
I am a victim of rape, I didn’t commit a crime
I have heard many negative commits but I don’t regret telling everyone about it.
This test made me stronger
This test made me to have more patient
This test made me closer to God.
So All Praises Belong To God Almighty